Astros Tired of Working Nights, Weekends

Always being slated to work 4 or 5 nights per week, plus every single weekend — not to mention the travel, sometimes for weeks at a time — the Houston Astros have finally said “enough is enough” and plan to meet with MLB commissioner Bud Selig next week to discuss a more manageable work schedule.

“I swear baseball gives all the weekday afternoon games to the big market teams,” said Houston left fielder Jason Michaels, convinced the unfavorable schedule is to blame for the Astros owning the worst record in baseball. “I bet we could be as good as the second, or maybe the third worst team in baseball if we kissed up to the guy making out the schedule like the Yankees, Phillies and Cardinals probably do.”

Pitcher Wandy Rodriguez says the Astros are at least given some days off, but only a handful, and all of those come during the middle of the week.

“Yeah, they give us a day off, but its usually on a Monday or a Thursday, so it’s not like you can really do anything. Half of our off days are spent traveling to road games anyway. Nothing like recharging your batteries on an afternoon flight to Milwaukee.”

A number of Astros have already begun looking into other career options, but either they don’t want to go back to school or can’t really see themselves working in sales.

Real Fake Sports would like to thank Drew Weisholtz for assisting with this post. Drew is a comedy writer and stand-up comedian with the unfortunate albatross of rooting for Rutgers basketball. He’s been making people laugh nearly as long as the Scarlet Knights’ NCAA tournament drought. You can reach him here

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